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Article by Cheryl Conway, LCSW

“What did I do to make this happen?”  That is often the first thought of the child who sees or hears violent behaviors or outbursts in the home. Young children are likely to blame themselves for problems in the family due to the normal developmental process of “internalizing” the world around them. This process is important because it allows children to imitate the behaviors of their caregivers, thus learning the rules of acceptable or unacceptable behavior. When violence occurs, self-blame serves as a defense mechanism: preventing the child from feeling totally helpless and at the mercy of the adults in his life.

While all families experience conflict at times, and all couples argue, families that routinely resort to violence to resolve conflict can create trauma, with far reaching consequences for children. Children and adolescents living with violence experience intense stress and fear. Whether involved directly and indirectly in family violence, children suffer damaging effects, both immediate and long term.  Some may ʺact outʺ and become violent themselves while others work very hard “be good” and to keep the family peace.

The American Journal of Medicine reports that 90 percent of children exposed to violence in the home had traumatic stress reactions (nightmares, thumb-sucking, or bed-wetting), with 20 percent at high risk for developing a post traumatic stress disorder. These children face a greater risk for anxiety and depression, and for behaviors such as fighting, bullying, or lying. They also tend to display inappropriate attitudes about violence as a means of resolving conflict and indicate a greater willingness to use violence themselves.

Infants exposed to domestic violence often show a pattern of disrupted attachment to the caregiver. Preschool‐ aged children may develop a range of problems, including psychosomatic complaints such as headaches and stomach pain. They also can display behaviors such as bed‐wetting, thumb sucking, and sleep disturbances.

Children in this age group may also show signs of terror, exhibited by yelling, irritability, hiding, or stuttering.

School‐aged children develop a similar range of problems, including poor school performance, low self‐esteem and a lack of confidence in the future.  This age group is also more likely to experience guilt and shame about the abuse.

Adolescent witnesses to violence have higher rates of interpersonal problems, especially with their parents.  They are more likely to have a fatalistic view of the future resulting in an increased rate of risk taking and antisocial behavior, such as truancy, early sexual activity, substance abuse, or delinquency.

But, it is important to remember that children are resilient! A single episode or occasional exposure to violence will not have the same level of adverse cognitive, behavioral, and emotional effects as ongoing violence.  Protective factors, such as strong social support for the family and the child, help enormously in lessening the impact of witnessing violence.

For more information, visit the Family Violence Prevention Fund at http://endabuse.org/section/ programs/children_families or the Safe Start Center at www.safestartcenter.org.